ЦПƧYMMΣƬЯIᄃΛᄂ

“Every morning on my way to college, I sit quietly by the window, watching a silent theatre of eyes. Men watching girls. Boys glancing. Girls pretending not to notice. And me- somewhere in between watching it all. There’s a choreography to it. A glance that lingers.”

THE INVISIBLE ONE

Because I have never been that girl. I’ve never caught someone’s gaze hanging on me too long, never had a guy stutter or stare or offer flowers. I’m twenty-two, and somehow, that feels like a missing experience- like I skipped a scene everyone else got to play.

It’s not that I think I’m unattractive. But beauty, I’ve learned, doesn’t guarantee being desired. It’s different. Desire has its own logic- unpredictable, selective, sometimes cruel.

WHEN ATTENTION FEELS LIKE PROOF

Once, in sixth grade, a boy called me “sexy”. I didn’t understand what that meant back then, but maybe a seed was planted- that strange, hidden desire to be seen.

Now, when the bus conductor’s eyes slide down my body, I feel disgust, but also……something else. A flicker of validation. I hate that whisper. But it’s there – the twisted psychology of a girl who’s spent years watching others be watched.

THE STRANGE FREEDOM OF INVISIBILITY

Sometimes I think maybe it’s not a bad thing to go unnoticed. Because visibility is a double-edged sword- it gives you proof but takes away your peace. So I sit on the bus watching the power play between visibility and invisibility unfold.

WHEN MY MOTHER TOLD ME TO LOOK UP

One day, I told my mother about this- how I sometimes feel unseen, not attractive enough for guys to notice. She listened quietly and said,” Maybe you’re not looking up. Next time, walk with your head high. Watch how their eyes move.”

So I did. I looked up. I walked through the same corridors, past the same faces- but this time ,I noticed everything. The way the eyes trailed, the way bodies shifted.

And suddenly I relized- it wasn’t that no one was watching . It was thatI’d never cared to see it.

That day, I learned something simple and a little sad- validation is everywhere if you’re desperate to find it. But once you do , it loses it’s meaning.