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WHEN A MOVIE BECOMES A MIRROR

There are some movies you don’t just watch- they watch you back. They pull out emotions you’ve buried, fears you’ve avoided, and wounds you thought had healed. For me, that movie was Jumping From High Places.

On the surface, it’s about Sole, a girl stuck in grief and fear after her best friend’s death. She hides inside, terrified of stepping out into life again. Her best friend’s brother – the boy she secretly loves- represents not just romance, but everything she’s too scared to reach for.

But beneath that storyline, I saw a reflection of my own.

ALONE IN THE DARKNESS

I know what it feels like to be trapped in that kind of mental cage, clawing your way out alone. Unlike Sole, I didn’t have someone pushing me to face my fears. I didn’t have a love interest waiting at the edge of my comfort zone. I had only myself- and some days, even that didn’t feel like enough.

There were mornings when getting out of bed felt like lifting mountains. Evenings when loneliness echoed so loud it hurt. I kept whispering to myself, ” This will pass…. it has to pass,” but healing wasn’t linear. It was jagged, unpredictable, filled with soaked bedsheets.

THE COMPLICATED FEAR OF LOVE

And then there’s love. I want it- deeply. The kind that feels safe, grounding and whole. But here’s my truth; I’m afraid of commitment. I carry trust issues like invisible scars. I’ve been let down before, and so I’ve built walls around myself- walls so tall that even I can’t always see over them.

I crave connection, yet fear being known too deeply. It’s confusing, frustrating, and sometimes it feels like I’m standing at the edge of a cliff, wanting to jump but terrified of the fall.

WHAT SOLE TAUGHT ME ABOUT COURAGE

Watching Sole stumble, cry, and eventually take small steps toward living again reminded me that courage isn’t the absence of fear. Courage is choosing to move forward despite fear.

Maybe that’s what I need to remember: love won’t come wrapped in guarantees. Healing won’t arrive in one neat package. It’s messy. It’s slow. But it’s still worth reaching for.

MY CONFUSED YET HONEST TRUTH

I don’t have all the answers – far from it. I’m still vulnerable, still confused, still figuring out how to let people in without losing myself. But I know this: it’s okay to be afraid, as long as we don’t give up on ourselves.

Because even if love hasn’t found me yet, I’m learning to believe that one day I’ll be brave enough to find it.